


Life As We Know It

by Jabberwocky (Sisterwives)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caretaking, M/M, Nail-clipping, Toothbrushing, showering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-03
Updated: 2011-12-03
Packaged: 2017-10-26 20:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/287496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sisterwives/pseuds/Jabberwocky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a tussle in which Dave forcibly clips Tavros’s nails, Tavros manages to rope Dave into taking a shower with him. Dave takes care of him by washing his hair and brushing his teeth for him, partly because it’s ironic as hell, and partly because he actually likes being there for the awkward troll. Straddling that line between PG-13 and a soft R, although there is no actual sex, so keep that in mind!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life As We Know It

“Look, I am telling you, your nails have got to be clipped!” There wasn’t much that got Dave Strider riled up. He prided himself on being the pinnacle of coolness, second only, of course, to his bro. But after arguing with one Tavros Nitram for a solid hour over the finer points of human hygiene, he was near the end of his rope.

“No,” Tavros said stubbornly. “I don’t want to.” But Jesus Christ, the kid could be bull-headed. He took a moment to appreciate the irony of the statement before launching back into his crusade.

“You scratch the turntables, you pay the price. There’s not many rules in the Strider household, but defiling god’s gift to humankind is definitely on the no-no list.”

After the turntable incident, Dave had wrestled Tavros to the ground, brandishing the nail clippers like a weapon, but Tavros was squirming around on the floor and making it impossible for Dave to get a good grip on his hand.

Tavros was flailing wildly when he grazed Dave, sharp nails slashing across the tender flesh of the human’s upper arm. Dave hissed, one hand clapping the gash, but red blood was already oozing between his fingers. He glared at Tavros, who at least had the decency to look contrite.

“Okay, yeah, Exhibit B of why these fucking claws have got to go. You’re not marring my perfect porcelain skin with those daggers. As if you didn’t do enough damage by shredding up my turntable. And if this shit gets infected, you’re footing the bill.” He was through dealing with Tavros’s hysterics. Dave slung one leg over Tavros’s hips, straddling him to keep him pinned to the ground.

While Tavros was unable to wriggle away from Dave, he was still perfectly capable of verbally protesting, which he did with great urgency. “But Dave, you don’t understand! I haven’t cut my nails in sweeps—”

“Gross, dude.”

“—and it took me so long to get them to look this intimidating! These are all I have to show the world that I can be, uh, a good troll! They’re the only dangerous thing I, uh, have going for me!”

He looked so pitiful that Dave almost reconsidered. Then the feeling passed. “Nope, too bad, they’re going.” He grabbed Tavros’s right hand and held it still as he slid the clippers underneath the thumbnail, which was disturbingly long and of a strange yellow-orange hue. He quickly discovered that this was going to be more difficult than he thought, as troll nails were evidently much harder than their human counterparts.

“Your nails are like fucking rocks,” Dave complained as he attacked the nail with his clippers. Tavros didn’t answer, simply looking up at him with a reproachful expression. Dave put all his muscle (which, admittedly, wasn’t much) into it and finally succeeded in sending the nail clipping flying across the room.

Tavros let out a whimper at the loss of his nail and, unable to watch any longer, squeezed his eyes shut as Dave mercilessly started in on the rest of his fingers. After a good twenty minutes of blood, sweat, and tears (the latter coming from a thoroughly distraught Tavros), Dave surveyed his handiwork with pride.

“There,” he said in satisfaction, climbing off of his victim and offering his hand to help him to his feet. “I now pronounce you fit to join society. But your turntable privileges are officially revoked. Forever.”

“But Dave,” Tavros whined, looking at his blunt, filed-down claws in dismay. “Now I can never be a good troll!”

“Hate to break it to you, man, but you never were a good troll to begin with,” Dave informed him.

Tavros frowned. “That’s not, uh, very nice…”

“Whatever,” Dave said, rolling his eyes from behind his mirrored shades. “Go take a shower, you’re a mess,” he added, shoving the still-sniveling troll in the direction of the bathroom.

Tavros gave one last sniff and wiped at the translucent orange tear tracks that stained his cheeks, but he left without protest. Dave watched as he padded down the hallway and slipped into the bathroom. He shook his head in exasperation. It had been a long and hard battle, but he’d finally won. Tavros would thank him later when he realized the favor he had done for him. Dave swept up the scattered nail clippings and dumped them in the trash before heading for his bedroom.

There was a high-pitched shriek from down the hall, and Dave threw his hands up in the air. He just couldn’t leave him alone for a minute, could he?

“Oh, ferchrissakes Nitram, what’s your problem now?” Dave muttered, yanking open the door to the bathroom. He wasn’t sure what he had expected to see, but he definitely hadn’t been expecting to find Tavros cowering in the corner of the bathroom.

“Th-th-that,” Tavros stuttered, pointing a shaky finger at the shower.

Dave turned to look at where he was pointing, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. “What? What’s got your panties in a— oh.” It suddenly occurred to him that most normal people probably didn’t have puppets hanging out in their showers. “What, you’re freaked out by the little dude? It’s cool, man, he’s not gonna be perving on you or anything. Just turn him around if he bothers you.”

Tavros shook his head, a pathetic mewl escaping his lips. Dave snorted in amusement and pushed his hair back. “Dude, if you’re this wigged out by one puppet chilling out in the shower, you should’ve seen this place when I was a kid and Bro had to keep me entertained when he was hosing me down. Plush rump everywhere, just kind of jutting out all impudently or whatever. You can deal with one of the boys hanging there. Suck it up. At least it’s not Lil’ Cal.” He turned to leave the room once more, but Tavros scrambled to his feet and grabbed Dave’s arm.

“Dave, I, I can’t be alone with, uh, that thing…” he pleaded, eyes wild with desperation.

Dave paused and raised one eyebrow. “So, what, you want me to be in there with you?”

“Uhm, well, that would, uhh, be nice, if you want, maybe…” Tavros trailed off lamely, his cheeks coloring.

Dave smirked. “You just want to see me naked, am I right? Come on, bro, let’s just lay it all out on the table where we can all see it. We both know you’re just dying to get your hands on a fine piece of Strider ass.”

“Uh.”

There was an exceptionally lengthy silence.

“Welp, that was a pregnant pause,” Dave finally said. “If that pause was any more pregnant, it would be popping out babies left and right in the middle of the produce aisle.”

Tavros wrinkled his nose in confusion. “I, uh, don’t think I know what that word means. And, how is it even possible to expel a human grub from your body, that’s, uhh, kind of really disgusting and disturbing—”

“Okay, fine, strip,” Dave interrupted, cutting off the troll’s flustered rambling.

Tavros blinked. “What?” he asked dumbly.

“I said,” Dave repeated, “strip down and get in the shower.”

Wide-eyed, Tavros stared at him. He couldn’t tell if Dave was serious or not, since his face was perfectly expressionless, the epitome of a poker face.

Dave shrugged. “Unless you don’t really want to enjoy a hot, steamy shower with this fine speci-man, in which case, I guess I’ll be leaving.” He turned and headed for the door, but Tavros reacted quickly, not wanting to lose this chance.

“N-no, I, uh, I do want this,” he said, blushing furiously.

“Okay, then. Where doing this, man,” Dave deadpanned.

“Where making this happen!” Tavros gleefully finished, proud of himself for getting the reference.

The corner of Dave’s mouth twitched into a half-smile of sorts, and he wordlessly pulled his shirt over his head, dumping it unceremoniously on the floor before starting to undo his belt buckle.

Tavros, who still hadn’t really processed the thought that oh my god this is actually happening, hastened to follow suit, clumsily tugging off his t-shirt. He then proceeded to get it stuck on his horns, completely failing to be careful in his rush to comply.

Unable to see due to the shirt that was trapped on his head, Tavros blindly groped to find a way to extricate himself from the fabric.

Dave exhaled through his nose and batted Tavros’s hands away. “Jeez, man, do I have to do everything for you?” he said, shaking his head as he liberated Tavros from the snagged shirt. After shucking his pants (and pointedly staring at Tavros’s crotch until he caught on and fumbled to remove his as well), Dave turned on the water. After testing it to make sure that it was the perfect temperature, he placed a hand on the small of Tavros’s back and nudged him into the shower.

Dave turned to remove his shades and place them on the edge of the sink, only to hear a clattering noise and a scream. He promptly turned back around to find that Tavros had managed to get his horns tangled in the puppet strings and was flailing haphazardly.

“Oh god, it’s attacking me, I’m gonna die! Dave, save me! Get it off, get it off!”

“I’ll be the goddamn knight in shining armor to your damsel in distress if you just chill the fuck out. You’re only making this worse.” Dave grabbed Tavros’s horn to hold him in place and keep him from getting even more ensnared. Tavros bit his lip and did his best to hold back a squeak at the unintentional horn-fondling as Dave began unwinding the tangled puppet strings. After he managed to extricate him, he steered Tavros away from the puppet, positioning him with his back to the spray.“Okay, look. Just— don’t move. This shower wasn’t built with your huge-ass horns in mind.” Tavros didn’t appear to be listening, as he was fixated on something behind Dave.

Dave didn’t even have to look over his shoulder to know that the troll was staring in horror at the puppet that had assaulted him. He stepped to the left to block the puppet out of view. “Bro. Look into my eyes.” Tavros met his gaze, his pupils dilating as he got lost in Dave’s red eyes. Dave didn’t take the time to wonder what that meant and instead plowed on, “You see that twinkle? That be resolution, and it’s telling you to stop being such a goddamn pansy and get showering already.”

“Uh, okay,” Tavros said, swallowing. He tried to awkwardly reach around Dave for the shampoo, but his horn scraped against the shower wall, producing a sound akin to nails on a chalkboard. Dave winced and grabbed Tavros’s chin, forcing him to face forward again. “No leaning to the side,” he instructed. He felt like he was commanding his pet not to jump on the couch. Ironic.

Tavros looked down at the shampoo bottle he had nabbed and hesitated before offering it to Dave.

“What, you want me to do it for you?”

Tavros nodded.

Dave smirked and took the bottle from him. “Okay, bro, prepare yourself, because my fingers are about to make sweet, sweet love to your hair follicles.”

Dave squirted a generous dollop in his hand and lathered up Tavros’s hair, massaging the shampoo into his scalp. To his amusement, Tavros’s eyes fluttered closed and he made a noise that could only be described as purring. Dave stopped, quirking an eyebrow. “Dude, what are you, a cat or something? I thought that was that other chick, the freaky shipper who has a drawing of us on the wall of her cave.”

“Mmmn, don’t stop,” Tavros murmured, nuzzling up against Dave’s hand in the hopes of coaxing him to continue.

“What, my magic fingers are driving you wild already? Man, you haven’t seen anything yet.” But he obliged, working his fingers through the rest of his hair and kneading at pressure points on his scalp. Tavros let out a happy sigh, wriggling in contentment.

Dave’s hands made their way over to the side of his head and began to slowly encircle the base of Tavros’s horns, his fingers tracing a pattern around the area where his horns met his head.

Tavros shuddered, his lips parted in breathless bliss. Dave paused in his administrations, both pleased and intrigued by the reaction he had managed to elicit. Wanting to test this finding further, he experimentally ran his hand up the length of one of Tavros’s horns. His hand glided effortlessly, slick with suds, and he was surprised at how smooth the horn’s surface was. He squeezed gently, and his stomach lurched joyfully when Tavros squeaked, a delicious gasp of pleasure escaping his lips. Dave made a mental note to remember that Tavros’s horns were sensitive for future purposes and withdrew his hands, washing off the residue shampoo.

“Rinse,” he muttered, tilting Tavros’s head back and shielding his eyes with one hand to prevent shampoo from trickling into his eyes. With his free hand, he combed his fingers through Tavros’s mohawk to ensure that all the shampoo washed out of his hair.

As he rinsed Tavros’s hair, Dave had to ask himself why he was even doing this. He tried to tell himself it was because it was ironic, coddling an adolescent troll who had horns sharp enough to gore someone. But he knew deep down that this was a lie, and a pretty weaksauce one at that. The truth was, he had grown fond of the awkward, gangly-limbed troll and was rather possessive of him. And if he was being honest with himself, he didn’t mind caring for Tavros. In fact, he kind of liked it.

Besides, from what Tavros had told him about what living on Alternia was like for him, his life had been pretty shithive maggots. If anyone deserved a bit of TLC, it was Tavros.

Dave groped around behind him for the body wash, the bottle nearly slipping out of reach as he tried to nab it. Finally managing to get a grip on it, he lathered his hands up with body wash and returned the bottle to its perch. He trailed soapy hands over Tavros’s shoulders and down his arms before settling on his chest. His grey skin was tinged the faintest shade of brown, and he sighed happily as Dave worked the soap down his chest and across his stomach.

Tavros was floating in a haze of bliss, reveling in the way Dave’s hands traversed the canvas of his body, lightly skimming over his skin with a gentleness he wouldn’t have thought the cool kid to be capable of. He exhaled, his breath hot and sweet against the crook of Dave’s neck.

Dave stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Tavros and pressing up against him so that he could lather up his back. It was the only logical thing to do; the shower was small, and if Tavros tried to turn around to expose his back, he would end up beaming Dave in the head with those massive horns.

Tavros’s breath hitched, but he relaxed into Dave’s touch. Dave smirked at the way the troll practically melted into his arms. He ran his hands over Tavros’s shoulders and across his shoulder blades, taking care to soap up every inch of Tavros’s skin. He slid his hands down the length of his spine and cupped Tavros’s rear, snickering softly at the keening noise it elicited.

“Just being thorough, bro,” he murmured and moved his hands, leaving behind two soapy handprints on his cheeks.

Even after he’d finished washing Tavros’s back, Dave held him in his embrace for a while. He cradled the back of his neck with one hand, his thumb rubbing slow, soothing circles at the base of Tavros’s skull as they swayed together under the hot running water.

When he pulled away at last, he could see Tavros looking at him in a haze of adoration. Dave smirked and repositioned Tavros under the water so that he could wash off the rest of the suds. “Come on, princess,” he said, switching off the water as the last vestiges of soap swirled down the drain. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

Tavros blinked, and the fogginess in his eyes faded away. Turning off the hot water and being separated from Dave seemed to bring him back to his senses, and he regained control of his mental facilities again. “Uh, what’s a popsicle stand, and, why are we, uhh, blowing it? Is this more of your human innuendo, because I never really got that—”

Dave rolled his eyes and guided Tavros out of the shower. “Tav. Shut up. You’re ruining the moment.” He snatched two towels off the rack, one for around his waist and another to wrap around a shivering Tavros’s shoulders. He rubbed Tavros’s arms and pressed up against his back to lend his body heat to the cause. With one arm wrapped around him in a bear hug, Dave ran his fingers through Tavros’s wet mohawk.

“What do you say,” he breathed into his ear, relishing in the way it made the troll shiver for reasons that had nothing to do with being cold. “If I leave you alone in here for a grand total of two minutes, can you manage to not start any sick fires in my bathroom or get yourself tangled in puppet strings?”

“I, uh, I can try.”

“Good man,” Dave said, pulling away from Tavros. “Troll. Whatever.”

He left the room, and Tavros stood stock still for the two minutes that it took him to return.

Dave draped a pair of boxer shorts and pajama pants over each of Tavros’s horns before dropping his towel and pulling on a pair of his own boxers. Tavros followed suit, almost tripping as he did so.

Dave snorted in amusement at his incompetence and stepped over to the sink. He handed Tavros a new toothbrush and took out his own red toothbrush and the tube of Crest, readying to brush his teeth. Tavros simply stood there and stared at the toothbrush for a few moments.

“What, do you need Mama Strider to help you brush your teeth too?” Dave asked, looking at Tavros, who still hadn’t moved, in the mirror.

Tavros bit his lip.

Dave paused, his toothbrush halfway to his mouth. “What, really?” he asked, somewhat incredulously.

Tavros’s cheeks burned as he stared at the floor, his face flushed in embarrassment. “I just, uh, I like having someone take care of me. It’s nice. I mean, uh, on Alternia, you pretty much just fend for yourself. And, even though Tinkerbull was pretty much the best lusus ever, and my best friend, it wasn’t really the same thing as this. No one’s ever really, uh, pitied me, or anything, so it’s not like I ever had someone to, uh, care about me.” He looked up at Dave and bit his lip, praying that he wouldn’t find this all too weird.

“No, I get what you’re saying.”

“R-really?”

“Yup. You’re needy and have abandonment issues.” Dave spat into the sink and reached for a Dixie cup, placing it under the running faucet. He swished the water around in his mouth to rinse out the aftertaste of the toothpaste.

“Wait, what, I, uh, no—”

“Tav, chill, I’m kidding,” Dave said, standing up straight and wiping his mouth. “Give me the toothbrush.” He held out his hand expectantly.

“Are you, uh, sure you’re okay with doing this, Dave?”

Dave just gave him a look. “Not gonna even dignify that with an answer. If I wasn’t okay with it, do you think I’d be standing here waiting for you to get your rear in gear? Now hand me the toothbrush before I change my mind.”

Tavros handed over the toothbrush.

“Sit,” Dave ordered, and Tavros obediently sat on the closed lid of the toilet and watched in giddy anticipation as Dave turned on the faucet and wet the head of the toothbrush. After squirting on a generous amount of minty-fresh toothpaste, Dave took the toothbrush and sidled over to Tavros. Without so much as a word of warning, he slipped onto Tavros’s lap.

“D-Dave? What are you—” His alarmed protests died away as Dave placed a finger on his lips.

“Shhh, only tooth-brushing now, shh,” Dave whispered.

He hesitated before breaking out into a grin.

Tavros had a goofy smile, Dave decided. Goofy in the kind of way that John’s teeth were goofy. His teeth were sharp and certainly looked dangerous, yes, but it also looked like he had too many of them to fit in his mouth properly. The result was that they were crammed into his mouth, and one of his incisors was crooked. And it wasn’t even ironic, the unbridled joy that came with his smiles. The troll wore his heart on his sleeve, and it was painfully obvious to everyone. Unlike Dave, he didn’t restrain himself when it came to displaying his emotions, especially happiness. It was strangely endearing.

Dave cupped Tavros’s chin, rubbing his thumb along his jawline, and motioned for him to open his mouth. Tavros obediently did so, and Dave began brushing his teeth, concentrating on moving the orange toothbrush in small circles while avoiding the razor-sharp edges of his fangs. He was surprisingly meticulous about the task, paying individual attention to every tooth and making sure that it was satisfactorily cleaned before moving on to the next one. He tilted Tavros’s chin down so he could gain access to his molars, continuing his steady, rhythmic pace.

As he moved the bristles of the toothbrush in small, circular motions, Dave slowly rocked back and forth on Tavros’s lap. The unhurried, teasing grinding of his hips was subtle but effective, and Tavros struggled to keep his body in check as Dave leisurely rubbed up against his bone bulge. He did his best to concentrate on the task at hand, closing his eyes to focus his attention on where Dave was brushing. The last thing he needed to do was embarrass himself by forgetting himself and having foam dribble out of his mouth like he was an incompetent wiggler again.

Dave finished by brushing the rough, papery surface of Tavros’s tongue and finally climbed off his lap. Tavros was both relieved and disappointed at the loss of contact. On the one hand, it was a relief to not have to deal with Dave’s agonizing teasing and the unbearable torture of trying to remain in control of all of his bodily functions. On the other hand, the sensation of Dave stimulating him at the same time that he was so tenderly taking care of him was intensely pleasurable.

Dave tugged on Tavros’s arm to get him to stand up and guided him over to the sink. “Spit,” he instructed, and Tavros obeyed, rinsing his mouth out with the small paper cup Dave handed him.

He straightened up and smiled at himself in the mirror, enjoying the aftertaste and how clean his mouth felt. He turned around, but Dave was already slipping on his ironically heart-patterned pajama pants and wasn’t paying attention to him any longer.

“Dave?” Tavros asked timidly.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks,” he said quietly trying to pack as much emotion possible into that one small word of gratitude.

Dave turned away from Tavros and put his shades back on so that he couldn’t see his expression. “No problem.”

Tavros smiled to himself in understanding and wordlessly followed Dave to bed, feeling utterly at peace. For the first time in his life, he had someone to take care of him when he needed to feel pitied, someone who loved him and would put up with him and all of his awkwardness and his shortcomings, someone who actually cared about him. And for all of Dave’s continuous ribbing and snarkiness, he knew, deep down, that Dave didn’t mind indulging him.


End file.
